Before I’ve written a post about my so-called “perfect first date” and looking back at it now in some ways it did seemed “perfect” because somehow it matched with what I have imagined a first date to be like—”perfect” because it was my “ideal” date, it went as what I had in mind. We were both giddy to the point that all we needed was a glass of hot fudge sundae between us and we’ll be practically living up to Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”. But looking back at it now it no longer seemed “perfect” for me anymore because I realized none of it felt “real”…or at least the kind of “real” that I had been looking for most of my life. It didn’t felt real because everything that happened then now seemed “scripted” because I only got what I dictated I wanted out of that seemingly perfect first date. Looking back at it now I realized it was not a perfect first date because it didn’t feel real, it was only “kilig” or that fuzzy and giddy feeling masking itself as something more but in truth it’s just the initial excitement of being with someone new. There was no actual “connection”, not even a “click”. It wasn’t even because of the person I was with because that person was part of the “ideal” and what I’ve realized those ideals aren’t real and if you don’t notice it soon enough it could mislead you to an impending dating or relationship doom. I realized that I didn’t want an ideal date, I wanted a real one. I don’t want an ideal man or ideal love, I wanted a real man and real love.
What is now “perfect” for me isn’t about how smoothly and on the dot the date went according to plan, but by how it didn’t went accordingly so. It was perfect because it had a good balance of planned and spontaneity. It was perfect when you offered to pick me up from my house and I didn’t have to request for you to do so. It was perfect when the heel of my shoe broke down by the time we were in the coffee shop and I was trying to act cool about it even though for awhile I was secretly panicking. I eventually did felt relieved when it was you who panicked in turn when I told you about my broken heel and was touched that you were concerned slash bothered by it more than I was. It was perfect because we got to laugh about that “diyahe” or hashtag FAIL heel moment. It was perfect when you assured me that these “fail” moments are the ones we’d fondly go back to when visiting memory lane. It was perfect when you accompanied me to Landmark so I can get myself a new pair of shoes and how I told you to go a few steps away because I couldn’t shop under the pressure of you lurking behind me. It was perfect when you (finally!!) held my hand during the movie because secretly I was waiting for you to do so. It was perfect when we finally acknowledged the elephant in the room over a couple of beers and how I apologized if I was too forward with you the night before and how you vehemently told me not to apologize and in turn you told me you were actually so glad that I did do it because you were too “torpe” to do it. It was perfect when you (again, finally!!) took the initiative to kiss me in the elevator because I swore to myself that day that I won’t be doing any first moves during that date because I wanted to see that you wanted it too just as much as I did. I chose to remain silent and refuse to make demands because I wanted to see if you had the initiative to do those things without me “dictating” it to you. I wanted to see it come from you yourself. I want you to want it, not because I told you so but because you yourself wanted it. I want it to come from your own free will, no pressure of any kind. And each day since that you continue to surprise me because you do things before I could even think of asking them from you. Each day after that I continue to grow in love with you.
Somewhere I read a quote from a book by Sarah Dessen that went along with these lines and it summarizes how I feel at this moment:
“You know, when it works, love is pretty amazing. It’s not overrated. There’s a reason for all those songs.”
If there’s one word to describe you and what we have I would say it’s “real”. You were that “click” I was looking for and every day since then I had been thanking God that He gave me you. What we have is so different from what I’ve ever experienced and as I’ve always been telling you my sister was right, love isn’t supposed to be hard and heavy before the relationship even begins. Indeed, when it works, love is pretty amazing!
I consider the real first date our third one and it could not have been more perfect because it wasn’t forced. There was no feeling of being “pressured”. It was perfect because from the start both of us individually showed who we really are. From the day we first met we were real, no best foot forward, just showing each other who our real selves are.
The real first date was our third and it could not have been more perfect than how it had been and how it eventually turned out to be.